1 year later
I can't believe that Malia is a year, it is crazy how fast this year went by. It is amazing how many cliches that your hear and think you understand and then they come to life when you have a child. One you hear quite a bit that resonates with me is "it is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It is hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it that yes your life will completely change, it is hard to get used to not being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want. I will be completely honest and admit that those first few months when I wasn't sleeping more than 3 hours at a stretch I had doubts and wondered if I shouldn't have had a child. But once those first few months had passed and I had bonded and fallen in love with Malia, I would not give her up for anything. It is an amazing love that is so strong and it grows. I had these false expectations from things you see in movies and hear from people that I would instantly love her the minute they laid her on my chest and I felt guilty because all I wanted to do after pushing 3 hours was take a glance at her and lay my head down and shut my eyes for a few moments. The infamous "mom guilt" crept in those first few days because I felt more awkward and overwhelmed than in love, but within a month or so I was infatuated. I could happily spend hours just watching her, and I thought it was adorable when she would do the smallest thing, "oh how cute, she sneezed." I know this is the story of thousands of mothers all over the world, but it is my story and it is unlike anything else I have ever experienced. I can't imagine what life would be like without Malia. I may not have my Saturday mornings to sleep in, but I never would have experienced the incredible love and joy of scooping my sweet little girl out of her crib as she smiles and "talks" to me. It is pure joy to watch her personality blossom. She is such a happy, physically active baby who has a bit of her Dad's dramatic and silly nature and some of her Mom's easygoing and independent(some might say stubborn) ways. Thank you Lord for entrusting such a wonderful blessing to an imperfect me.
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